Sciocca

What happened to that girl? Where is she now?

That girl I used to be, innocent and thoughtless, where is she? That girl who used to write in Spanish and not in English, that girl who used to delight everybody and not hurt them?

That girl was nothing else but laughter and sweet dreams. She once climbed a tree thinking that she would be able to see the end of the rainbow from the top and find the treasure which would serve to help her poor parents.

That girl could see beauty even in the scariest insect: she trully believed that everything was possible, that everyone was good, and that everywhere was a magic place that hid some secret that needed to be discovered. That girl could create an entertaining game in less than five seconds and for her every challenge seemed more like an adventure.That girl is dead. They've killed her, I have killed her. People, time and places did not give her a chance. She could not breathe, so she drowned. She drowned in lies and social conventions, she drowned in what she was supposed to be, in what it was expected from her, in what everyone wanted.

I am sad. I did not see her die, I was busy trying to be polite and correct. Borges said once "If I could live my life again, I would commit more mistakes", and that girl was nothing but forced to follow that blessed red tape. But I've got sick of queuing! I don't wanna live afraid and hidden, I don't wanna be a straight tree! I want my branches to be curved and to form funny shapes where birds can nest, where creatures may come to life. I want to be covered with flowers during spring and the summer, and not to be pruned in the autumn so that I will grow better...and what is "better" anyway?

It's my time to be the hero, it's time to be the protagonist of my own life. I want to save that girl, bring her back to life...but how? I wanna believe, just like she would have believed in all her innocence, that that is possible. Though I think she might not be dead after all, since the eco of her voice still survives in my ears, as well as her sighs and laughter continue to bounce on my belly. I can rescue her from fear and silence, I can free her from political correctness...and maybe one day I will be a little more like her.